It has now been 8 days since I decided, no, since I was gently nudged towards Wicca. I am still working on my meditation practice every day. But I have absolutely been lacking in the ritual department. I have been trying, a little. But I can feel my anxiety rise every time I start to think about saying a prayer to the Goddess. And why do I always go right to Goddess? I know the God and Goddess are one, they are all things nature but it seems to be all about the Goddess with me. I think what I am feeling is many different types of fear. Fear of disappointing her, fear of being rejected, fear I will do it wrong (although everything I have ever read about praying to deity tells me I CAN’T do it wrong) Or maybe I’m afraid I won’t get a response, or if I do maybe I won’t hear it. When I woke this morning, instead of my new usual meditation practice, I decided to try something new. Spells8.com has a link at the top of the page that says daily ritual. This page changes every day. You can expect to see the deities that are prominent for the day, a list of crystals to keep close with you for the day (and I actually have 3 of the 6 listed for today!) and a few other items that are strongest on that particular day. You will also find a daily prayer dedicated to one of the deities listed for that day. As I continued to scroll through the page I came to a video called Morning Wiccan Prayer. This was the prayer I needed today. I knew it, I could FEEL it. The page suggests to light a white candle and say they prayer along with the video. I went one step further. Remember when I was excited because I had 3 of the 6 different stones with strong abilities? I took a few pieces of each stone, said a quick thank you and placed them on top of the wax before I lit my white candle. As I read along with the video I started to get discouraged. I just wasn’t feeling the prayer. I know that I’m not going to feel like every rite or prayer I come across is going to be perfect for me, but when I first saw the video I felt that this was the prayer I needed at this time. I was disappointed, but I’d finish the prayer and try a new one next time. But then I hear this.
Empress Mother,
I thank you for this new day
Thanks for the life you give me
Guide my steps and let everything I do be blessed
That was what was meant for me! I am reminded that I do need to thank her for each and every new day that I have. It is because of her that I still have my life, and I believe more than anything I have ever believed in that she is guiding my steps and blessing me along this path. I have read in multiple different places that every Witch’s relationship with deity is their own. No two relationships are the same. So I need to calm my anxieties and trust in the relationship I am in the process of building. I have the Goddess in my heart and the rest will come naturally with time and practice.
I have a very busy day ahead of me today. I want to go on a nature walk and see if I can find a few items to work into my rituals. I would like to work on my Altar. And most important, Imbolc is February 1st. So I have 3 days to research rituals and then write my own using ideas that I agree with and items I have on hand. But now also at the top of my list to have done by Saturday is to research deities and find a God and Goddess that I can relate to so that maybe I can feel a little less anxious about connecting with them.
I am sorry if this is a short blog post, but I want to start on my to-do-list. I will add another post tonight or tomorrow morning, detailing all that I accomplished today.
Merry Meet
From Waning to Wiccan 